Secret Lines
by luv0817
Summary: My first fanfic rewritten. A case gets personal for Sara when she and the vic share the same secret. WANRING: Self Injury scenes may be tiggering hence the T rating be careful. Some GSR
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing... yet... not lawyers needed

"Hey Sara, is it true your mom went crazy?" Melissa taunted loudly from across the cafeteria. "She's a murderer and you're going to be just like her. Wait and see." Twelve year old Sara Sidle looked up to see the whole school was looking at her as Melissa went on, sitting in the middle of "cool kids" table. "That's why you have to live with the Denton's, 'cause your mom's in the loony bin, or- is it jail?"

Sara could feel her chest tighten. Closing her eyes she tried to shut out the voices of laughter and ridicule. Her eyes were filling with tears, but she was determined not to let anyone see her cry or even have an inking that their words were torturing her soul. _Maybe there is a murder gene_, she thought. _If there was, did she have it?_ The thought scared the hell out of her, but it also gave her a thought.

"Melissa." Sara stood up. "Are you sure you want to be mean to me then. Maybe one day, you'll find you can't wake up because you're- **dead**," she added emphasis for effect. Unfortunately at the moment, Carol Humburg, the lunch monitor came in and heard her.

"Sara Sidle. Outside. Now." While Melissa and her friends laughed, Sara quickly gathered her things and headed toward the exit.

"Ooo- Now you've done it, Sidle," Chessie, Melissa's best friend whispered as she passed. Dropping her contents into the trash can, Sara walked out the double door to see Ms. Humburg and Vice Principle Michaels. Without saying a word, Michaels motioned for her to follow them down the hall and into her office.

Sitting down into the chair across from her, the vice principle started interrogating her but Sara remained silent. Staring out the window, she thought about being somewhere, anywhere else, but here.

"Do you hear me, Miss Sidle? This is very serious. You don't go around talking about killing people, even if it is a joke, it's not funny." For the first time, Sara looked at the vice principal. "I'm going to have to call your foster parents and let them know that you're suspended for three days."

"For what!" Sara jumped out her chair.

"For threatening someone's life!" She threw back at her.

"I wasn't… I didn't… you didn't hear- everything," she ended in a whisper.

"No. I didn't. But, I have a pretty good idea what was said before hand."

"You couldn't've," Sara mumbled.

"Excuse me?" the vice principle asked pointedly as she picked up the phone. As Sara watched her dial the numbers to her foster mother's work, she knew she'd be in for it tonight- worse than usual and she started to feel sick. "Yes, hello," Ms. Michaels sounded sickly sweet, "can I speak with Mrs. Denton please," after a moment, "Regarding Sara Sidle. Thank you."

"I can't believe you! You stupid girl! What were you thinking?" Helen Denton screamed at the shrunken girl sitting the back seat. "I can't believe this! I knew we never should've taken you. Maybe we should just send you back. You've been nothing but trouble since you got here!" she raged on. "Just wait until Ray gets home." Sara fought back the tears. She never asked to be put in this situation; her father was dead, her mother was in the psych ward, and her brother had been shipped off to live with someone else. She didn't like being there as much as she wasn't wanted, especially when Ray got home.

Helen was bad enough, with all the verbal and mental abuse, she was getting better at tuning it out, but when Ray got home, it was ten times worse. Sara suspected, and was probably right; they only kept her around for the monthly check. Less than six months had passed since she first went into foster care and she's been passed around to three different families. She didn't even know where Michael had ended up. Finally the car pulled into the drive way and Sara was released from her steel prison, unfortunately, she was just about to step foot into another one.

Slamming the front door shut, Sara raced up the stairs to the bathroom. The tears she'd been holding back all day threatened to pour out; blinking rapidly, she forced herself to not cry. Making sure the door was securely locked she pulled out a sock a small silver razor from underneath the false bottom in her top right hand side drawer. Glancing at the mirror, she noticed how her face resembled her mothers. Same nose, same mouth, same eyes. For the second time that day she wondered, Could there really be a murder gene. Clutching the items, she slid down the wall, pulling her knees closer to her chest as she pulled her pant leg up and gently pressed down on her existing scar watching the red drops seep out of her. All the pent up frustration from the day came flowing out as she finally released her tears.

"Sara? Sara? SARA?" a voice pulled her back into the present. "Where did you go just then?" Sara looked up to see Grissom staring at her from across the lay out table.

"I'm sorry. What?"

"Where did you go just then?" he repeated his question.

"I, ah, was just thinking about…" she trailed off, picking up the pictures that were spread out before her. _This poor child_, she thought. Looking at the picture in her hand, she noticed the thin scars on the victims left arm. She couldn't have been much older than me when I…

"What are you thinking?" Grissom tried to catch her before she got lost again in her thoughts.

"She's a self harmer," Sara whispered. Raising his eye brow, Grissom studied her.

"She wasn't attacked by the intruder. See the scars on her left arm, they aren't new. She, she was a self mutilator." Grissom watched Sara silently as she put down the photo and glanced down at her own left arm, pulling her sleeves further down; tears were forming in her eyes. The look was one of understanding. _No_, he thought. _Not, Sara. Not _his_ Sara_. _How did he not realize it before? How could the scars have escaped his notice?_ Just as he was about to open his mouth something stopped him. _This couldn't be something he brought up; she needed to bring it to him_. Walking around the table, Grissom stood beside Sara looking at the pictures displayed before them.

He knows. He can tell. Sara thought to herself not being able to meet Grissom's eyes. She knew she couldn't look into those cool blue eyes and keep her secret. _He wants me to tell him. I can feel his eyes on me. I can't tell him. I can't tell anyone. It was…It is… my secret._

Shifting uncomfortably, Sara collected the photographs and put them in numerical order of how she thought the scene was beginning to play out. Looking at the rest of the pictures that were taken in the hospital, Sara started noticing more scars on the victim's body; arms and legs were covered in tiny one and a half to two inch scars.

"I thought I'd find you guys in here." Capt. Brass said entering the room. "Wow, you could cut the…" Grissom shot a "don't you dare say it" look at the captain. "Fine, fine; but it's true." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, the victims name is Elizabeth Woods. She's originally from Ohio and she's on holiday visiting a friend, an Andrea Perkins, she's in the lobby, waiting to talk to you whenever you're ready.

Peering through the glass, Sara saw a young woman with long blonde hair sitting anxiously on the bench. She had no idea how to explain the situation to this girl. Her house was robbed, her friend was injured; but not by the intruder, by her self. Sara wasn't even sure she should tell the girls secret. What if Elizabeth was okay? What if she woke up? Would she want her secret to be revealed? Feeling suddenly cold, Sara could hear the sounds of the day when the first and last person ever found out about her secret.

"Sara, open the door," said a small voice. "C'mon. I know you're in there."

"I'll be out in a second," called a delayed voice. Sara quickly finished wrapping up her arm and pulled down her sleeve. Her arm was starting to hurt a little as she stuffed the sock and razor back into her back pack. Stepping out of the stall, Sara came face to face with her best friend, Madison; Maddie, for short was tall with red hair, striking green eyes, and a warm inviting smile.

Sara didn't grow up with a lot of friends and Maddie's friendship still surprised her. She had been moved to yet another foster home, but this time it was a little better; she had been placed with the same family as Michael, who, when they had found out that child services had separated them immediately asked for custody of Sara as well.

The Jameson family lived two towns over, which also meant that Sara was able to transfer schools. On her first day, Sara walked anonymously through the halls reading Moby Dick for the millionth time when Maddie had come over to her and complimented her on her taste in fiction and with that their friendship was sealed.

"Talk to me, Sar." Maddie's eyes met Sara's reluctant ones.

"It's... nothing."

"I'm not falling for that one, Sara Lynn Sidle," Maddie said in a mock stern voice. Looking down, she noticed something under Sara's jacket. "Are you hurt?"

"No," Sara said immediately.

"Yes. You are. Let me see."

"Maddie, wait!" Sara pleaded, but it was too late.

"What happened," Maddie demanded still holding onto Sara's arm.

"Nothing, I swear."

"Tell me, or I'm taking you to Dr. V." As Sara yanked her arm out of Maddie's grip and her bag went flying.

"Sara, please tell me what's going on, please," begged Maddie.

"I want to, Maddie, I do," Sara cried through her sobs; fear filling her eyes, "but, I can't."

"Why?" Maddie's voice cracked as she started sobbing. Sara slid down to the floor, covering her head with her hands. "Sara," Maddie whispered. "I think I know what's going on, but you have to trust me; I'll bring you through this. I swear." Reaching over, she put her arms around Sara and together they sat and cried.

"Are you ready?" Brass stepped behind Sara who jumped.

"Uh, yeah." Silently, they walked into the waiting room.

"Ms. Perkins?" Sara greeted a tall, blond hair girl who stood up immediately.

"Yes," she croaked. "What's going on? I got home. Police cars. Crime tape," she stammered." They wouldn't even let me inside."

"There was a break in at your home today. Miss Woods is at Desert Palm Hospital in critical condition."

Andrea dropped to the bench, tears welling up in her eyes. "I was only gone for a few minutes. I told Lizzie I'd be right back." Sara was unable to look the young woman in the face as she cleared her throat.

"Did, Miss Woods ever talk to you about the scars on her arms?" Sara asked quietly. Andrea looked up.

"Scars? N...no..." she stammered. "Liz always wore long sleeves."

"The intruder didn't attack Elizabeth. Elizabeth, it seems, attacked herself and this wasn't the first time." Sara said finally looking into Andrea's eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of its characters.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Sara sat in the locker room staring down at the floor. The last few hours had been one big nightmare playing over and over in her head. All she could hear were the voices of her past; teachers, social workers, foster parents, enemies, and friends- not to mention her own conscious. She looked around to make sure there was no one in the room and gently pulled up her sleeve; red lines, new and old ran down her arm.

It had been almost a month since she'd cut herself, but seeing the photos of the girl- Elizabeth- brought triggering thoughts and harsh memories. She thought she'd finally conquered it, instead she felt it calling her back to it. _C'mon, Sara_, she commanded herself, _you don't need this anymore. Remember, you promised yourself_, she kept telling herself; yet the feeling was still there. Sara's skin was crawling, it was aching; her head was spinning, and her heart was racing; she could almost feel the blade glide over her skin and the way it felt for the blood to be seeping out. Opening her locker, she dug into the very back and pulled out a small box which held a small razor that she kept for emergencies; this case had definitely affected her more than she thought it would.

"Hey!" called a voice. Sara jumped, quickly closing the lid of the box. Looking up, she saw Warrick standing in the doorway.

"What's up?" she asked, pulling down her sleeve.

"Are you okay?" Warrick's face was full of concern.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine." He was unsure of her answer but let it go, for now- instead, he handed her a case file.

"We got him. The guy was stupid enough to be hiding down the street. Brass is bringing him in now."

"That's great," Sara said weakly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Warrick asked again.

"I'm fine," she stated sharply.

"Okay, okay," Warrick turned to leave. "Oh, and Grissom is looking for you."

_Great_, Sara thought. Slamming her locker door shut, she took a deep breath and headed toward Grissom's office.

"You wanted to see me?" she asked, knocking on the open door.

"Sara-" he looked up at her. "Come on in." Sara cautiously stepped closer to his desk. "Sit," he commanded gently.

"Oh- okay," Sara lowered herself into the chair. "What's up, Griss?" she asked anxiously.

"How've you been doing lately?" Grissom sat back into his chair.

"I've been- okay… Look, Griss, I know I got a little, preoccupied back there. It- well, I had a friend, who- I'm fine," Sara stammered. She couldn't and wouldn't lie to him; instead she said nothing and got up.

"Sara, I just…" Grissom started.

"Seriously, Grissom, I'm fine," with that she hurried out the door. _I can't take this_, she thought angrily to herself. _I can't breath. _Sara raced toward the locker room. Throwing open her locker, she pulled out the small box and a small First Aid Kit, also kept for emergencies; and ran to the bathroom. Sitting in the bathroom stall, Sara felt like she was back in jr. high; she closed her eyes and pulled her knees up to her chest, leaning her head on the stall wall.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Young teenage female being brought in; critical condition, possible suicide attempt." Fourteen year old, Sara Sidle felt herself being put into the ambulance. She could hear the sirens and the voices of the paramedics, her foster parents, and her brother. Her head was spinning and she felt woozy. "I didn't- I wasn't-" she tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out; she could barely breath.

"Okay, let's go!" called a male medic as he slammed the door shut.

"Miss Sidle, can you hear me?" he asked putting an oxygen mask on her face, her eyes felt heavy and she was unresponsive; she felt herself slip away.

_Beep…beep…beep...beep…beep…beep…beep..._ Sara's eyes flutter opened as she woke up. She was in an unfamiliar room in an unfamiliar bed. Trying to sit up, something tugged on Sara's arm. She looked over to see an I.V. stuck in her left hand.

"Sara," her brother Michael was sitting beside her bed.

"M- Michael," she tried to talk. He held a straw up to her lips which she accepted. Taking a sip, she realized how sore her throat was.

"They had to put a tube down your throat so you could breath," he explained, "so, it may be a little sore for a while." Sara nodded and took another, longer, sip.

"I wasn't- trying to off myself." Michael nodded understandingly.

"How long, Sis?"

"How long have you known?" she answered question with a question.

"Since you came to live with us."

"Since before Mom killed Dad." His lips formed a silent, "Oh."

"Mel is pretty upset. She and Bryan are in the waiting room."

"They're going to send me back, aren't they," Sara said choking back tears. Two days prior the Jameson's had announced that they wanted to adopt both Michael and Sara. _They won't want me now_. Sara's heart started to ache.

"They won't, Sar, they're just, worried…" he drifted off, sighing. "I'm going to go let them know you're awake."

"No, wait, Michael."

"Everything's going to be okay, Sis, I swear," Sara was left to her own thoughts. Without thinking, she pulled the I.V. out of her hand; luckily there was very little bleeding. She pulled the covers up around her chest. Even though they knew now, didn't mean she was read for them to see.

"Sara? Sweetheart?" Bryan opened the door slightly; Mel behind him. "Hey," she said walking over to the bed. Sara noticed her eyes were red and puffy. "Sara, I'm so sorry," she said gently hugging her. "I didn't know. I should've realized, but I didn't." Unwillingly Sara started crying too. Mel tried to pull down the covers but Sara wouldn't let her. "Okay, okay," she kissed Sara's head.

"It's going to be okay, Kiddo," Bryan stroked her hair; Sara saw that his eyes were also red and puffy. "We're gonna get you some help; get you well."

"I'm sorry," Sara's voice cracked as she started sobbing.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Stuffing the items back into her locker, Sara, once again headed for Grissom's office. "We need to talk," she stated, standing in the doorway.

"Okay," he took his glasses off and looked up from his book; he nodded toward the chair, but Sara shook her head.

"Not now and definitely not here."

"Alright," it came out as more of a question.

"I know you have questions and that's understandable…"

"Sara, it's okay. We'll talk soon."

"Soon," she replied; with that, she was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of its characters; I also do not own High Ground or any of its characters.

A/N: This is a CSI/High Ground crossover; kind of. Higher Ground was a show that aired on Fox Family channel, (yes, I know- a long time ago), that starred: Joe Lando, Hayden Christensen, and A.J. Cook

(The High Ground part is v. AU)

xoxoxoxoxo

Seventeen year old Sara sat staring out the window at the falling leaves. In a few hours her parents were coming to pick her up. It had been almost three years since she'd first arrived at Mt. Horizon. Being here had saved her life. It held her safe; keeping her away from everything else in her life and she wasn't sure she was ready to join the outside world again.

"Hey," said a deep voice. Sara looked up too see eighteen year old Peter Scarbrow standing in front of her. "Are you ready?"

"I guess," Sara said unconvincingly.

"You'll get used to it, being at home, I mean," Peter ran his hand through his dark brown hair. "It's weird at first; too much freedom, it's almost scary." Sara nodded but said nothing. Peter had been at Mt. Horizon for four years now. Before coming he'd been in and out of several different hospitals and rehabs, but none of them had helped. After finding him on the street passed out his parents decided to send him to a school instead of an institution. Now after being here so long, Peter was one of the senior members their group, the Cliffhangers.

"You don't belong here anymore, Sar… that's not what I mean and you know it," he answered quickly when Sara gave him a look. "Frank and Mary Ellen wouldn't let you go if you weren't ready. Just remember," he said in his best counselor voice, "It's about control. Don't let it control you; you're stronger than it." Sara nodded and sighed. "Come one, we have Group." Peter led her down the hallway and into the lounge of the main building. Most of the group had already assembled. After stoking the fire Peter called the ground to attention.

"As Frank and Mary Ellen are still in California, I'll be conducting-"

"No need," Frank said interrupting walking straight up to Sara. "We wanted to say goodbye." Sara said nothing but just nodded. "And, I need to do your exit interview." He looked at Peter who was looking back him with a look of surprise. "It's not that I don't trust you, Pete, it's just that-"

"I get it," Peter said holding his hand up.

"So, you're really leavin' us," Milo, who'd been lying upside down in the chair, sat up.

"Not by choice," she finally admitted.

"What do you mean?" asked a red head girl named Hannah.

"I… I just don't think I can do this."

"Like I said before," said Peter, "it's weird at first."

"Doesn't that make you think about what we're all going to do after we get out of here," Casey piped up.

"I don't even want to think that far," said a curly hair boy named Kyle.

"It's not a far thought for me," Sara whispered; without warning, she darted out of the lounge and toward the woodpile. Picking the axe, she started chopping fiercely.

"You're lucky you're leaving in a few hours." Sara stopped chopping, but didn't look up.

"Are you sure I'm ready for this, Frank, because I'm not."

"You're not ready or you're not sure?"

"Both."

"I don't want to send you home if you're having that much doubt, Sara."

"It's just… what if I can't do this; on my own, I mean."

"You're not on your own Sara. You have your parents, Dr. Rosing, Michael." Picking up the axe again, Sara started chopping even harder.

"I, ah, heard you got into Harvard. Congrats."

"Thanks," Sara gave a very rare smile, "early acceptance; I start in a few weeks."

"Do you know what you're going to study yet?"

"Science."

"Yeah, you always were good at science." Frank got serious again. "You have about two hours until your parents get here and I have a last assignment for you." Sara rolled her eyes. "A two hundred word essay."

"What's the topic?"

"My Strength." Sara mouthed a silent, _Okay._ Handing Frank the axe, she head toward her dorms. Her bags were neatly situated at the end of what she had called her bed for the past three years. All her papers, notes, pictures, and personal items had been taken down and packed away. Sara could feel her heart tighten. As much as she wanted to get back to her normal life, she was going to miss it here. Mt Horizon was more of a home to her than any other place had been, she felt her safest here; protected. Pulling a pencil and stack of paper out of her bag she seated herself at the desk.

_Sara Sidle_

_My Strength_

_My strength is about to be tested. For the first time in three years I'm going to be on my own. It didn't bother me when was younger. I was practically always on my own. My parents were either working or fighting. Weakness was tolerated around my house and… I guess- hurting me was my father's way of making me tough. Even though my mom didn't tolerate weakness from me, at times, she herself was. The only time she really showed her strength was when she eventually killed my father. _

_I know I have strength- to battle the outside world. Maybe that's what I'm so afraid of. This isn't an external battle, but an internal battle; a battle within myself. No one can fix this but me and that scares me beyond anything else. Since I was little, I always wanted someone to save me; save me from my dad, save me from my life, save me from my foster brother, save me from myself. I was saved from my dad and my foster brother, but as for myself; only I can save me from me. Not very profound is it, but if there's one things I've learnt from being here, it's that there's only so much help I can receive- I have to do the rest; after being shown the way out; I have to be the one to get out. _

_I do have strength. I can win this battle. I'm not the scared little girl I once was. I'm ready to face this head on; university, life, everything. I'm ready. I've finally found my strength._

xoxoxoxoxo

"I was nine years old. My parents had been one of their infamous fights, ending with my dad storming out." Grissom was sitting on the couch in Sara's apartment for the second time in his life and this time he'd been invited. He was happy that Sara was opening up to him, _no matter how much it was breaking his heart_, he thought to himself, shifting on the couch; he turned to look at her; she was starring at the floor.

"I went into the living room to make sure she was okay. She was just laying there on the floor," Sara paused. "Sh- she looked up at me with this, hatred in her eyes and said, 'This is your fault.' I ran to the bathroom and sitting on the counter was her razor, still in the package," she looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I wasn't intending to- I was going to rip up the towels and the wall, but then I found myself sliding the razor across my own skin. Are you sure you want to hear this?" Sara eyes were full of concern. _I must have a horrified look on my face_, Grissom thought.

"As much as you want to tell me," he answered with a small smile.

"I'm getting through this, Griss. I don't know if it'll ever go away, but I am dealing with it. I… just wanted you to know that."

xoxoxoxoxo

Epilogue

"You ready?" Grissom asked coming up behind Sara. Turning to look at him, she smiled. "C'mon," he said guiding her out to the car. "Let's go home." It had been a year since Sara Sidle last cut herself. Everyday she dealt with longing in the back of her mind. Over the course of the few months following the whole team had found out; at first being afraid of what they would think, but learning quickly how much they really cared. She still felt unsure about sharing her personal life with them, but Grissom had told her that this was too important to try to deal with on her own. She finally had a support system; something she felt had been missing since she left Mt. Horizon.


End file.
